the move

From now on there will be general views posted on this blog.
Creative writing
will be
available in
my new
blog: http://pickwickwhacko.blogspot.com/

Paranoia

you see its not just you who's paranoid
I'm too
fear the must have for paralysis
i have no inkling how many are aware
..I am paralyzed
thought process works fine
this is a kind of physical paralysis
it is hard to convince myself to speak
speak out my thoughts and opinions
the reason is fear
fear of being plagiarized
fear of being slandered again
fear of being black-marked again
fear of being threatened with death again
fear of being forced upon by bullies
fear of a past wanting to come back
fear of those disgusting tongue-waggers dancing on my life
fear of hurting my people from anger and rage filled over those assholes I mentioned above
fear of people intruding into every minute of my life
fear of those people cooking up their pathetic stories
fear of people's envy

all because I've seen jealous people ruin my life
all because those cooked up stories about me reached my ears
all because those vacant threats made by brutal people are very impacting on a child's mind
all because I was a witness to that violence and threats at that young age
all because I'm forced to not forget my past
all because I considered those who thought they were enemies, as my dearest friends
all because I have lost the trust in human beings to remember the beauty of life
all because I have lost the trust in humans that they will not hurt me again
all because I don't understand how a person who does not know you well, holds a grudge on you
all because I still cannot comprehend why anyone slanders without reason

the more physically paralysed I am, the less use I make of my intelligence
if this is what they who did what they did when they did anything concerning hurting my life
..it seems like they have succeeded.
Let them know whoever they are, that their goal has been achieved.

many told me to ignore it
many told me we do not have the time to think so much about others
but no...everybody has time's reins in their hands
if you can find time to ask a person's life in detail, if you have time to read a biography, if you have time to gossip, you have time to bitch about someone,..then, yes, you do have time enough to hint to people, that one particular person isn't what seems to be..then those "duh" people start looking from your perspective...you see because everybody is paranoid..so everybody does not believe in what he sees or hears...nobody believes in his own ability to gauge a personality...nobody sees that he/she can make decisions and conclusions by him/herself.
so those who slander, just love the idea of bitching and gossiping...that way, the more they talk the more people will think he/she knows more, the more i-want-spoon-fed-answers kind of people believe in words without clarifying...that way, the more the people they gossip with, more the number of people will have heard the same story, confirming that even the most skeptical mind will believe in the newly cooked up story.

I haven't been able to ignore such people...because I still can't find out the reason why they waste their time in crapping lives..Is it an easy way to succeed in their lives? Do they regard people as obstacles in their paths, and so ruining a person's reputation, deletes that person from their so-called 'obstacle list'? Probably, those who live for competition, are the ones who are insecure. Probably, its the insecurity (paranoia?) that leads them to their follies and vices, jealousy and envy, hatred, grudges and greed.
In school years, I used to feel ashamed of myself for not feeling angry towards those who ruined the happiness of my family. I have always felt pity for such people, for they have never been able to think beyond. They cannot accommodate the Universe in their lives. But now after a decade of being in their constant intrusion I only fill with anger and react with rage, when they attempt to prod and poke and trample upon me and my family again. After a spite, I realise I still don't hate them, and the only change is that now I can react and shut their traps myself.
Yes, I know I'm being altruistic. But I can feel pain, yet no hatred. Shouldn't that mean that you CAN love everyone, you CAN love EVERY being, your love can be UNIVERSAL?

India is being dictated!!!

The internet service providers are being blamed for the third party sites that are visited by the individuals. this could either lead to third party sites being blocked by either the government or the service providers.

Basically, the government has just found an excuse to watch over every individual's personal networking. Thus, restricting open talk and open forums. Today an individual citizen has become proactive in fighting the government's policies, the red tapism, has become less ignorant about his rights not just as a citizen but as a human. He has finally become aware of the Earth needing protection from mankind himself. Any proactive effort is thwarted by people who just are addicted to land-grabbing and money-making. The more an open-book system the goevernment becomes, the less ease to the pot-bellied politicians to make black money.

Why doesn't the government first look into matters at hand? Politicians with jail terms, convictions, being suspects in murders, assault, extortion are prancing around the country drinking booze and gobbling up lands that belong to our great farmers. Nobody is even giving two thoughts about those farmers who committed suicide. Who dragged them down the drain? Their families are still without finances, starving, without jobs that were promised to them.
The major bigwigs are now probably scared of being spoken of so openly. This is the India Shining where freedom of speech(freedom to openly speak the 'truth' not cooked up stories like most of the media), is accepted and practiced. This is the new generation that the big bellied politicos are scared of. So doesn't matter if they've only gone till their 8th grade in academics, they will try to shutdown and close doors and build new doors and obstacles to stop the new age Indian from claiming his rights.

They are just doing what they have been doing for the past half a century. Imitate the US. But they can't see the foolishness behind their actions. They, the government, are killing their future generations(and not just those of the common citizens), by blindly following something that they don't understand. More like the Pied Piper with blind mice following.

Creating fear in the peoples' minds has been a long known dark game played by governments.

whatmorecouldisay

"This is just the beginning" has become history. Soon man himself is going to be fighting for survival again. But that might just be the end of the story. Because this fight for survival might just be the last one that man could ever fight. More talk on war is just a coward's way of running away from the bigger truth. That Earth is definitely going to change in its way it appears, the way it lives exposed to the Sun.
The blue-green-brown-white just a century from now, might look grey-orange-red-black and then everything might just be white-hot...
Nobody is bothered today to look at anything green. The adults today hardly remember that the greens they eat come from the plants and trees they want to cut down for small and selfish land-grabbing addiction they've got.
This temptation of acquiring as much "property" subtracts the hard truths that can smack you in the face when you confront them. Neither man nor man's creations will have the necessity to exist long. Nature will always wipe out that which tries to destroy it. Nature will definitely make it unworthy for man to live on Earth again. I will be happy that Earth will be uninhabitable for man, that man who thinks like he does today.

If there is something I pray for, it is but to see some sense in human beings to ensure that they don't hurt the living beings that have been surviving with mankind for centuries together, and leave this place habitable for millions of generations more.

There is some kind of mutated meme that has been passed on across society that goes like this: "I am not going to live beyond 100 years. I would like to enjoy and exploit everything on Earth before I die. Then who gives a damn about twenty generations down the line. I live for the moment, so I can do and undo anything I like. I will litter this planet with all sorts of shit. Anyway, I am not going to live long to feel the stink. Who cares!"

Life today is but a Rat-race, where the people are the mice and the president is the Pied Piper. Their cheese is in Piper's hands and the cheese comes in different flavors: pay packets of 40-60 thousand per month, holiday packages for your family, one Bentley if you run a little more for Piper, a one-acre plot if you work (25)hours per day for 10 more years for the Piper, pay Piper 10 grand for a 1 grand per month job. Run little mice run! For your cheese is just out of reach. But you don't see the Rat-catcher right behind you. He/She/It is called Nature!


I know one who is a Masters in Organic Chemistry. He threw a non-degradable plastic packet of Lays on the side of the road just a yard away from a small dust-bin. When I questioned his actions, he had prompt justification: I am creating work for the people who sweep the roads in the mornings. Why should they sit without work when there's no garbage on the road.

For all that was worth, I tried to explain, roads have trees on their sides. These trees shed leaves. The wind blows soil everywhere. If these settle on the road it becomes unsuitable for the vehicles to trod on. Hence the morning sweepers. Not for stupid people who litter all around saying they are the creators!
Further more, when recently I met him again, he was off for his PhD to the United States of America. We were talking about Global Warming. According to this same friend of mine, the increase in number and intensity of Hurricanes is good, both for the planet and humans.

what I would say is this doctor of philosophy doesn't really understand geophysics.

Earth is definitely trying to re-balance itself to its old days. But what common man does not see is that Earth does the balancing act with drastic change. By drastic change, I only mean drastic in terms of the "human perspective". I don't see any human is going to survive this changing process to tell stories about it to its grandchildren. Humans are but creatures of Earth. Nothing more.

Its more like "That was the beginning of this end"

A few more idiocracies of a weavering mind...

A new friend, believe in coincidences or not, goes by the name of Siddharth(a) [I say that, though, I have just been introduced to him, he has attained enlightenment and that state of Realization of Life that I term as an essential to survive on Earth AND the Universe]; today happened to describe the 'Lost for Words' to 'High Hopes' transition and its interpretation when you are doped and high. You'll know what I mean if you've heard Pink Floyd's Division Bell.

The truth that the use of substance to achieve the high required to go deep into the essence of Floyd is a necessity is a farce. What possibility exists is that the early teens are the 'perpetually-undoped-high-point' of Life where any form of substance is not required to attain the level of realization associated with all of Floyd and all about Life. Pink Floyd IS the substance that I have used to attain my level of enlightenment. It is only today that I believe I have ever confessed to this fact that though Music has been my life I never gave the credit to the Doors and Floyd to have helped me get to where I am.

There was a debate that followed which was based on whether it is necessary to be depressed to feel Happy. Actually it was more of a debate whether you need to be depressed to be at the peak of creativity and I say yes you have to be. Tchaikovsky composed master pieces but he was in such a high state of depression that he did end up killing himself. You would know if you've heard the Nutcracker or the Swan Lake the true-forever-famous compositions/ballets. The ballets became famous because of the compositions.

What I believe is that happiness entirely depends on the individual perspective but in the true Universal sense would not be complete if there is no feeling of dread or there has never been a point in the person's life where he or she has felt the BLUEST or UTTERLY DEPRESSED or UTTERLY USELESS and HOPELESS. For those who think they are and they can be perfectly happy they are living a fake life. Without understanding the depth of disastrous lives being lived around you, your life is seriously of no use on this Earth or this Universe. Complete happiness would come only out of complete selfishness, and being selfish has disastrous side-effects, maybe not to the one who believes but to the people around him or her.

One of my friends probably confused being Happy with being at Peace with the Self. These are two different aspects of feeling in the Human Mind. You cannot be one with yourself if you haven't understood the two limits that are mandatory end points that define your character: The lowest and most depressed level and the highest level of TRUE happiness(which is not really easily described in spoken or written words). These two levels are completely different in each and every human being or living being on this planet. There is no meaning, there rather would be no point in even speaking on this topic, if I would generalize the high and low points.

When a person does generalize he/she is entirely dependent on assumptions. Generalizing is nothing but bringing out an average definition based on your assumptions, which are based on your observations and your interpretation of these observations are definitely based on further assumptions. This is where Grouping or Compartmentalizing different aspects, situations, people, characteristics etc. .... all come into picture.

A 'perfectly' happy person would be entirely reliant on others creating the HAPPY situations for him/her. He/she must have the simplest yet most luxurious life. You know what I mean? I mean NO WORRIES. A 'perfectly' and 'permanently' happy person has NO connections with the outside world but only with him/her-self. Why? ....because when there are connections be it emotional or physical, you have a probability of 1 where one particular connection would indefinitely over time have to BREAK AWAY from the person... and that broken link only leaves negative thoughts/energy/feelings. ONLY NEGATIVE! Beings on this planet survive on the consistent linking and breaking of these connections.

So how can a 'perfectly/permanently' Happy person live with such connections and CONSISTENTLY remain happy and at peace with himself????!!!

No. He'd have to be a socially isolated life with all 'supplies' provided!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...and even he wouldn't be happy if one item out of the supplies go missing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Know what I mean???How can any being survive without a connection of any kind to his/her/its surrounding???!!!

Those of you who have short-term happy-happy goals of having a ten digit salary/owning the car of the decade/having the 'best'-'trendy'-outfit-of-the-times/talking in the style or hep-garbled-language of the millennium(like the one filled with acronyms today)...., I am sorry but you people are desperate in search of a False Enlightenment...and you might end up in retirement years full of disappointment and regret. I feel very sorry to say that you DO fall into the stereotypically tunnel-visioned group of people. I've always felt bad that I have met so many young minds who believe that materialistic attitudes toward life will make them happy for eternity. Don't they ever see that this kind of fun and happiness is just a temporary feeling and not the kind of Happiness they try to associate it with?

Like I said a few hours ago to my friends, to attain the highest point of your achievable feeling of happiness you have to have gone through your deepest low point in life i.e. the most depressed you've ever been. And it is true that if you have been through your depression at an early age AND have been able to get out of it you will know that being one with Nature AND being one with the Universe gives you the indescribable sense of happiness.

Partying, booze, constant socializing, buying Branded clothes, dope, having the trendiest accessories, following a trend like the 'Himesh Reshammiya' trend where you walk like he walks, wear clothes like he does, talk like he talks, sing like he sings EVEN though YOU think that he's got a voice too nasal... then how can you call yourself an individual if you are not letting YOUR point of view come into the picture!!!???
[*Himesh Reshammiya fans-please don't take offense though I don't really expect you wouldn't. Why... because that could've been Amir Khan or Abhishek Bacchan or Tom Cruise or Bill Gates or whoever-with-a-famous-tag too, in the above paraphrase.]

That apart the whole topic of the debate that had occurred was whether depression rules over happiness when you are at your creative best. Like I mentioned before Tchaikovsky has made the most soothing compositions and the greatest masterpieces at his lowest points in life. The greatest and most famous compositions, lyrics, paintings, poems have come out of the most lowest or most depressing times of the artists.

I do speak out of experience. I AM going to attempt at boasting today. One of my college days, I was at one of the lowest bluest days in life. The whole day had gone wrong, the evening one of the most violent, abusive and disastrous. The only question in mind was 'why?' I decided to soothe the raging fire within with my only companion in life - Music. Guitar in hand, tears in eyes, I had thought I had made the slowest, worst, hate-filled composition ever. Thoughts were flowing through my fingers onto the strings non-stop for a long time with no inkling whether there was any acceptable, sensible music coming out of the sound-box. At ten-thirty in the night, conversations-before-sleep-time, tv noise, some music system at work would be the usual noise of the hour seeping in through the windows. That night was the most silent 10:30 pm ever. When I came out of my reverie, I found my dog sleeping at my feet, and I found my mom sleeping with a serene smile on her face (a view seen after many long months). The most shocking was the silence from my back-door neighbors. Next day Mom came home with compliments and a request from her to keep up with my 'Riyaaz'(practice)! I had gone through the most turbulent thoughts while playing that piece of music which I would never remember again yet it turned out to be a pacifying, soothing lullaby to the ones who were, by chance, forced to listen to it!!???

Your most depressing moments could be the ones you are at your creative best.
I leave it an open argument and a possibility.

Truth of one more fact! If you have been only an observer of many who have been down under, at their most depressed, and yet yourself haven't really been through that experience, you only have a mere understanding of how a depressing moment can be. Yes, you can prevent yourself from going through such instances... and yes, you could help a few catch the surface again...but do you really know yourself better???Do you know what your views are...?Are you an over obsessive optimist?Aren't you ignoring the weak points in you and your life?

There was another statement. Being mature at the right age!
First, Maturity does not mean understanding the real reason behind the presence of two different genders, in short, the presence of sex in our lives. No. Thats only one tinsy-winsy part of Life.
Maturity is the realization of the whole essence of Life, accepting AND giving equal space to other forms of living beings on this planet AND understanding the working of life with the solar system and our eternal dependence on it.

If you say yes to even one point below, I'm sorry to say you have skipped the exit-point out of the Circle of Life and might not be able to see its inner beauty and abundance from the outside till you are 60. Either that or you'll be lucky enough to be pulled out by someone after you've crossed 25...
1. you have been through school time crushes and infatuations
2. you have understood and accepted the purpose of sex only by the time you were 20
3. you have understood the essential haves-have nots and must dos for survival only by the time you've reached the age of 21
4. you were only attracted to the western culture's liberal attire and abusive language in your teens
5. you believe you became mature at the age of 21
6. you have preferred the luxurious teenage life where parents provide you with every material attraction you want
7. you find glittery stuff attractive and happening just because your friends say so

...there are many more...I'll stop here..

Idiocracies of a weavering mind....

When your IQ goes down 18 points in a matter of two years its a matter of worrying and worrying and worrying and more worrying...

You can't really expect the situations to go perfectly fine...Yet the mind and the heart always long for perfection. Your rational keeps reminding you to be more practical!...and the mind keeps pulling you away.

Coming back to IQ...would it really matter that your IQ has gone down or was already down in your daily life? is it the most essential part of you for survival? I think not... because survival only needs a basic instinct which does not rely on intelligence but on reflexes.

I believe IQ should be defined more closer to how you relate to Life and Nature and not on GK based on human history and its development. The more you are aware of your life on earth as a whole and the more understanding you have of the species surviving with you on earth the more capable you are of getting out of the complexities of life.

Two years went by and my mathematical abilities have reduced and my personality report says that I'm not a social animal(That just shows in the huge number of "I"s in the blog). But this IQ test that I took did not determine whether my radical thoughts have gone down to more impractical, illogical and insensible ones. The thought processes have not changed but emotionality has highly increased. They say that if a person is highly sentimental and emotionally sensitive his decisions become impractical and irrational rather he is more indecisive on any matter.

Broken...yet...

The cracks have started to show...
She cannot bare the violence anymore...not even the noise that comes with it...
She's completely cracked up...Jagged edges have started to show up...the frustration, uncertainty, her own violent reaction to that voice ringing in her head...that voice testing her patience, testing her strength to hold her own. The voice that belonged to her own mother...It pursued her in utter disappointment that she had not grown insane with its constant ringing, and banging in her head. The one woman she respected utmost, loved and cared for, the one woman in her life for whom she had kept herself alive...was the one who wanted her to be utterly helpless, a lifeless robot, an insane mound of clay to be moulded by the woman the way she wanted.

She thought of rebirth...going back to those days when everything and anything was looked at with awe and wonder...the days of learning and listening and observing.

Boxed!!!!

It is kind of an irony when we wonder about some of the people that we have met and spoken to and their particular CLOSED-BOX mental state. The irony being the fact that to understand them we have to close a few of our doors and windows to our ears and mind. To reason with such people is so so difficult, that we'd rather go get a life than waste our precious time!
They are so wrapped up in small thoughts, small actions, small moments!!!...come to think of it, they'd probably do great in Nanotechnology. But then if their brain-size is nano-scaled, there's hardly any hope for such people.

To think that these people are sometimes, nope...all the time, are... the most well-equipped in technology, plastic-money and the like...oh they're such a waste! To think the huge amounts of money wasted in their momentary desires could have been used to feed, shelter, and educate the real deserving citizens of this world!!!
Materialistic, brand-crazy, trend-following fools,...they are a threat to the Nation's intellect. Why just the nation, but the whole world!!

This genre` of people - so heavily loaded with stuff that is, in reality, required elsewhere - wouldn't give two thoughts about Global warming, increased pollution, malnutrition,
common species on the verge of being labelled Gone Extinct. Hell, they don't bother about a human sitting beside them why would they worry about animals or the world!!??

Small-minded is closed box thinking, its synonyms being selfish attitude, narrow minded, petty, paltry, trifling, measly...

Recently, I found out that many are subjected to such spiteful, hate-filled people's mockery! There is no knowledge sharing or productive activity done by this kind. Neither are they of any generous kind.

...broke-n-tact...

She was nowhere ...nobody... non-existent...
There was no link in between her thoughts. Oh...but did she day-dream! She created situations in her mind and thought how she'd react. Thought of the 'appropriate' reaction to the concerned situation. Then she thought of each and every person she had known close enough to know his or her thought process and how they would react in these created situations. A heck of a way to while away the time, eh? The truth was she had grown so numb and dumb to the things and the happenings around her that there was solace and excitement in day-dreaming. She went parasailing, flew a glider, went Bungee jumping, sang Opera, sang Hindustani, rappelling, scuba-diving, ...danced the Waltz and the Tango with perfect ease, she gave laudable presentations, you name it, she could just close her eyes and she'd be having the greatest time of her life...if only that could happen in real life...!!
Then again, there would be a spark of hope, of expectation, of motivation, of inspiration. But that was it. ...just a spark!

...broken,

She tries hard to speak, but the words don't come out right. She can't convey her thoughts. She can't express. Her thoughts are so mixed up that when she speaks her statements remain incomplete. She stops in mid-sentence and just shuts up.
She sits exhausted when she's done nothing.
She tries to collect the scattered pieces and stick 'em together, like a jigsaw puzzle. It becomes an interesting activity...but only for a while. Then she goes back to her normal routine...staring at nothing.
She doesn't run anymore, doesn't dance anymore, doesn't sing anymore, doesn't think anymore.
She was so much of a coward, she couldn't kill herself. So there was only one option left.....
...ruin her own reputation. It wasn't difficult. She had to be near the loudest loudmouth and a few gossiping fickle-minded idiots...and then speak a few misleading statements and go mute. One year since, she'd already been called a bitch, a goddamn fool, a whore, a beggar, a freebie, a selfish biatch, a bloody loner, a freakin' despo, a lesb, oversmart jerk, smartass, you name it. Amusing, how she kept her bloody ego and principles intact through all of that. I'd say, she was a straight-jacket, stiff-neck. She saw it happen to her-it takes years to build a reputation but a few minutes to break it.
She never thought of it. Her self-destruction spree was going on successfully, what with the eager help she was getting. But never saw it coming, that she was leaving a trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations, lost hopes. All she wanted was hatred from people, from humans, from the mongrels of the concrete jungle. She wanted some psychopath to come and kill her...do the job for her.
Atleast, somewhere someone would have satisfaction over her death. If only she could disappear with a click!

Broken

The light was dim now..She just lay there huddled close to herself in the dark corner. Soon the sun will have gone down and then ...there'll be only pitch black all around. She just lies there still and curled up into a ball.
She was dead long time ago. Seventh grade. Just stopped speaking. Ten years later, you could see her, but she didn't exist anymore. It was only dead meat on her. A long waking sleep was what she was into. A coma with a little awareness? There was no purpose, no need, no necessity that she should remain alive...no hope. No smile. no words. There is no fire burning.

She'd had nightmares...terrible ones. Then there were dreams too. But now, there is nothing. Just darkness. No dream comes to her when she sleeps. When her eyes are open, she finds tears rolling down. They just keep rolling unstoppable...without reason.
Is there fear?Is there any cowardliness?Are there apprehensions?...Yes.
A mindless robot. A porcelain doll with trillions of cracks all over. A crystalware shattered to the tiniest pieces. She's just broken, that's all.

youcanwrite.com

well, i've finally decided to write - as in, write fiction - again
maybe...it is a result of the heavy dose of fictional books that i've read but don't remember which storyline belongs to which book...an irony?..a disaster?..ridiculous?
i'll let the situation hang up...

Dit dat dot

you mock everythin' you see...
you swear you'll never swear again...
you love being a sadist...
you are an addictive pessimist...
you're full of satire...
your alter ego prides in you!
every 'nm' inside you is occupied by negativity...

THOUGHTS....

All that we are is the result of what we have thought - Buddha

Thoughts make you...
Thoughts define you...
Thoughts characterize you...

... ...

Where what why

There seems a struggle for survival in those last moments..
The resistance shows a final realisation of death coming any minute..
...a realisation that I don't want to die without having done the needful.
...death as a useless human is unacceptable.
...the struggle to keep the self and its senses alive is taxing.
...facts that religiosity leads to disastrous effects,
that monotonous lives are an unnecessary presence,
that pieces of paper can kill humanity,
suicides in the name of god,
assassins at large,
debris in space around our globe,
scientists forced to waste time in justifications and reasoning,
a fight for freedom from religion,
...where's this world heading to??????




"...where'd all the good people go?
I've been changing channels
I don't see them on the tv shows


where'd all the good people go?
we got heaps n heaps of work (..)..." - Jack Johnson

Mystique Honey...

You leave me stunned!

...those eyes
...that smile
...the resonant voice

You are a magnet!

...the pull so strong
...the irresistible charm
...the quiet laughing gaze

You keep me wondering!

...the unknown questions
...the million doubts
...the silent conversation


One thought always remains...
are you the one ...
...who'll complete me?