Broken...yet...

The cracks have started to show...
She cannot bare the violence anymore...not even the noise that comes with it...
She's completely cracked up...Jagged edges have started to show up...the frustration, uncertainty, her own violent reaction to that voice ringing in her head...that voice testing her patience, testing her strength to hold her own. The voice that belonged to her own mother...It pursued her in utter disappointment that she had not grown insane with its constant ringing, and banging in her head. The one woman she respected utmost, loved and cared for, the one woman in her life for whom she had kept herself alive...was the one who wanted her to be utterly helpless, a lifeless robot, an insane mound of clay to be moulded by the woman the way she wanted.

She thought of rebirth...going back to those days when everything and anything was looked at with awe and wonder...the days of learning and listening and observing.

Boxed!!!!

It is kind of an irony when we wonder about some of the people that we have met and spoken to and their particular CLOSED-BOX mental state. The irony being the fact that to understand them we have to close a few of our doors and windows to our ears and mind. To reason with such people is so so difficult, that we'd rather go get a life than waste our precious time!
They are so wrapped up in small thoughts, small actions, small moments!!!...come to think of it, they'd probably do great in Nanotechnology. But then if their brain-size is nano-scaled, there's hardly any hope for such people.

To think that these people are sometimes, nope...all the time, are... the most well-equipped in technology, plastic-money and the like...oh they're such a waste! To think the huge amounts of money wasted in their momentary desires could have been used to feed, shelter, and educate the real deserving citizens of this world!!!
Materialistic, brand-crazy, trend-following fools,...they are a threat to the Nation's intellect. Why just the nation, but the whole world!!

This genre` of people - so heavily loaded with stuff that is, in reality, required elsewhere - wouldn't give two thoughts about Global warming, increased pollution, malnutrition,
common species on the verge of being labelled Gone Extinct. Hell, they don't bother about a human sitting beside them why would they worry about animals or the world!!??

Small-minded is closed box thinking, its synonyms being selfish attitude, narrow minded, petty, paltry, trifling, measly...

Recently, I found out that many are subjected to such spiteful, hate-filled people's mockery! There is no knowledge sharing or productive activity done by this kind. Neither are they of any generous kind.

...broke-n-tact...

She was nowhere ...nobody... non-existent...
There was no link in between her thoughts. Oh...but did she day-dream! She created situations in her mind and thought how she'd react. Thought of the 'appropriate' reaction to the concerned situation. Then she thought of each and every person she had known close enough to know his or her thought process and how they would react in these created situations. A heck of a way to while away the time, eh? The truth was she had grown so numb and dumb to the things and the happenings around her that there was solace and excitement in day-dreaming. She went parasailing, flew a glider, went Bungee jumping, sang Opera, sang Hindustani, rappelling, scuba-diving, ...danced the Waltz and the Tango with perfect ease, she gave laudable presentations, you name it, she could just close her eyes and she'd be having the greatest time of her life...if only that could happen in real life...!!
Then again, there would be a spark of hope, of expectation, of motivation, of inspiration. But that was it. ...just a spark!

...broken,

She tries hard to speak, but the words don't come out right. She can't convey her thoughts. She can't express. Her thoughts are so mixed up that when she speaks her statements remain incomplete. She stops in mid-sentence and just shuts up.
She sits exhausted when she's done nothing.
She tries to collect the scattered pieces and stick 'em together, like a jigsaw puzzle. It becomes an interesting activity...but only for a while. Then she goes back to her normal routine...staring at nothing.
She doesn't run anymore, doesn't dance anymore, doesn't sing anymore, doesn't think anymore.
She was so much of a coward, she couldn't kill herself. So there was only one option left.....
...ruin her own reputation. It wasn't difficult. She had to be near the loudest loudmouth and a few gossiping fickle-minded idiots...and then speak a few misleading statements and go mute. One year since, she'd already been called a bitch, a goddamn fool, a whore, a beggar, a freebie, a selfish biatch, a bloody loner, a freakin' despo, a lesb, oversmart jerk, smartass, you name it. Amusing, how she kept her bloody ego and principles intact through all of that. I'd say, she was a straight-jacket, stiff-neck. She saw it happen to her-it takes years to build a reputation but a few minutes to break it.
She never thought of it. Her self-destruction spree was going on successfully, what with the eager help she was getting. But never saw it coming, that she was leaving a trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations, lost hopes. All she wanted was hatred from people, from humans, from the mongrels of the concrete jungle. She wanted some psychopath to come and kill her...do the job for her.
Atleast, somewhere someone would have satisfaction over her death. If only she could disappear with a click!

Broken

The light was dim now..She just lay there huddled close to herself in the dark corner. Soon the sun will have gone down and then ...there'll be only pitch black all around. She just lies there still and curled up into a ball.
She was dead long time ago. Seventh grade. Just stopped speaking. Ten years later, you could see her, but she didn't exist anymore. It was only dead meat on her. A long waking sleep was what she was into. A coma with a little awareness? There was no purpose, no need, no necessity that she should remain alive...no hope. No smile. no words. There is no fire burning.

She'd had nightmares...terrible ones. Then there were dreams too. But now, there is nothing. Just darkness. No dream comes to her when she sleeps. When her eyes are open, she finds tears rolling down. They just keep rolling unstoppable...without reason.
Is there fear?Is there any cowardliness?Are there apprehensions?...Yes.
A mindless robot. A porcelain doll with trillions of cracks all over. A crystalware shattered to the tiniest pieces. She's just broken, that's all.