Paranoia

you see its not just you who's paranoid
I'm too
fear the must have for paralysis
i have no inkling how many are aware
..I am paralyzed
thought process works fine
this is a kind of physical paralysis
it is hard to convince myself to speak
speak out my thoughts and opinions
the reason is fear
fear of being plagiarized
fear of being slandered again
fear of being black-marked again
fear of being threatened with death again
fear of being forced upon by bullies
fear of a past wanting to come back
fear of those disgusting tongue-waggers dancing on my life
fear of hurting my people from anger and rage filled over those assholes I mentioned above
fear of people intruding into every minute of my life
fear of those people cooking up their pathetic stories
fear of people's envy

all because I've seen jealous people ruin my life
all because those cooked up stories about me reached my ears
all because those vacant threats made by brutal people are very impacting on a child's mind
all because I was a witness to that violence and threats at that young age
all because I'm forced to not forget my past
all because I considered those who thought they were enemies, as my dearest friends
all because I have lost the trust in human beings to remember the beauty of life
all because I have lost the trust in humans that they will not hurt me again
all because I don't understand how a person who does not know you well, holds a grudge on you
all because I still cannot comprehend why anyone slanders without reason

the more physically paralysed I am, the less use I make of my intelligence
if this is what they who did what they did when they did anything concerning hurting my life
..it seems like they have succeeded.
Let them know whoever they are, that their goal has been achieved.

many told me to ignore it
many told me we do not have the time to think so much about others
but no...everybody has time's reins in their hands
if you can find time to ask a person's life in detail, if you have time to read a biography, if you have time to gossip, you have time to bitch about someone,..then, yes, you do have time enough to hint to people, that one particular person isn't what seems to be..then those "duh" people start looking from your perspective...you see because everybody is paranoid..so everybody does not believe in what he sees or hears...nobody believes in his own ability to gauge a personality...nobody sees that he/she can make decisions and conclusions by him/herself.
so those who slander, just love the idea of bitching and gossiping...that way, the more they talk the more people will think he/she knows more, the more i-want-spoon-fed-answers kind of people believe in words without clarifying...that way, the more the people they gossip with, more the number of people will have heard the same story, confirming that even the most skeptical mind will believe in the newly cooked up story.

I haven't been able to ignore such people...because I still can't find out the reason why they waste their time in crapping lives..Is it an easy way to succeed in their lives? Do they regard people as obstacles in their paths, and so ruining a person's reputation, deletes that person from their so-called 'obstacle list'? Probably, those who live for competition, are the ones who are insecure. Probably, its the insecurity (paranoia?) that leads them to their follies and vices, jealousy and envy, hatred, grudges and greed.
In school years, I used to feel ashamed of myself for not feeling angry towards those who ruined the happiness of my family. I have always felt pity for such people, for they have never been able to think beyond. They cannot accommodate the Universe in their lives. But now after a decade of being in their constant intrusion I only fill with anger and react with rage, when they attempt to prod and poke and trample upon me and my family again. After a spite, I realise I still don't hate them, and the only change is that now I can react and shut their traps myself.
Yes, I know I'm being altruistic. But I can feel pain, yet no hatred. Shouldn't that mean that you CAN love everyone, you CAN love EVERY being, your love can be UNIVERSAL?